


That's What Servants Are For

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Community: merlin_muses, First Time, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur and Merlin head out of Camelot to the neighboring kingdom of Cambia, Arthur is more than a little surprised by some of their strange customs especially when one of those customs has him sharing a bed with Merlin. Now Arthur finds himself facing feelings for Merlin that he never knew he had. When he finally realizes the true extent of his feelings, it may be too late as another man makes a play for Merlin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's What Servants Are For

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Merlin_Muses fest. 
> 
> Thank you to greeneyes_fan for the quick beta work! It helped a great deal!

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but Arthur hushed him instantly.

“Merlin, I swear if you ask me one more time if we’re any closer I’m going to tie up the horse and make you walk the rest of the way.”

“You’d never do that…to the horse.”

“You’re right," Arthur glanced down at the beautiful white horse he sat atop, "unlike you this horse is actually good at its job.”

Merlin gritted his teeth and tightened his grip on his horse's reins. Arthur had been in a foul mood ever since they set out on this trip. They were headed to the kingdom of Cambia to work on negotiating who had rightful claim of the lands surrounding the fallen kingdom of Daobeth. This would be the first extended trip Arthur took out of Camelot as king.

Merlin knew very well how much Arthur abhorred long boring meetings, but from what Merlin had heard, Arthur and Cambia’s ruler Lord Kay had a somewhat friendly history, so Merlin wasn’t sure why Arthur was so agitated.

“If I’m such a nuisance, why did you insist on me coming along on this trip? Wouldn’t they have provided you with all the servants you would need?” Merlin looked over at Arthur.

“As much as I would have loved to give you days off, so you can laze about at the tavern wasting more time than you usually do, and while your skill set may be limited, I trust you more than any servant Lord Kay would provide.”

Despite the insult, Merlin smiled. “Are you and Lord Kay on friendly terms?”

“Other than this one issue, which I’m sure we’ll settle this week, I would say Camelot and Cambia are great allies.” Arthur nodded.

“I didn’t ask about Camelot and Cambia, I asked about you and Lord Kay?”

“Not that it’s really any of your concern, but Lord Kay and I get along well. We’re not the great friends my father and his were. My father and Lord Ector were more like brothers.” Arthur said with a touch of reverence.

“I’d heard that Uther saved his life.”

“Yes." Arthur smiled proudly. "Cambia was attacked and Lord Ector fled to Camelot desperate for aid. My father was very generous and gave him refuge and helped Lord Ector take back his land.”

“When was the last time you saw Lord Kay?”

Arthur pondered this. “It’s been awhile. I think the last time they were in Camelot I was fourteen. Lord Kay was a bit annoying, very unusual.”

“Unusual how?” Merlin steered his horse around a large puddle.

“He just complained about everything. He didn’t like having the servants look after him. He insisted on helping the servants with everything.”

“A royal who treats servants with kindness, what is the world coming to?” Merlin teased. He watched Arthur out of the corner of his eye. The icy stare Arthur shot him almost caused him to chuckle, but Merlin held it in valiantly.

They rode for a few minutes in silence.

“So how much longer is it?”

“Merlin!”

 

~*~

Luckily for Merlin, Arthur was far too tired to make good on his threat to make Merlin walk the rest of the way. They weren’t far from Cambia. Arthur would never admit it to Merlin but his body ached, his arse was sore, and he thought he could eat a week’s worth of food. After arriving, he hoped that Lord Kay wouldn’t want to catch up right away and he could just go to his room, where he would have Merlin draw him a bath, and then he would sleep.

As they approached the castle, Arthur noted that while not exactly small, it had fewer columns and turrets than Camelot, and didn’t quite have Camelot’s scale or look as regal. He could see Lord Kay standing in front of the castle. Arthur was a bit surprised that there weren’t quite as many people with Lord Kay as he would have expected, but it was fairly late.

They approached Lord Kay and his men. They were dressed similarly to the knights of Camelot except their robes were green. Kay greeted Arthur with a big smile. Arthur thought Kay looked slightly different than the last time he’d seen him. He was at least three inches taller and a bit bulkier, though he wasn’t fat by any means. Lord Kay ran his hand through his short brown hair as he walked up to greet Arthur and Merlin.

Arthur and Merlin quickly dismounted their horses. Arthur smiled at the approaching noblemen. “Lord Kay.”

“King Arthur.” Lord Kay smiled. Instead of shaking Arthur’s hand he gave Arthur a quick hug.

Arthur stiffened slightly, but patted the man on the back quickly before extricating himself from the embrace. “You’re taller than I remember.”

“You’re not.” Kay grinned.

Arthur could hear Merlin snort in the background. He slowly turned to the other man. Merlin pursed his lips tightly.

Kay looked over at Merlin. His eyebrows lifted and eyed Merlin for several seconds.

Arthur became a bit unsettled, unsure why Lord Kay was looking at Merlin with such fascination. Arthur cleared his throat.

“This must be your servant.” Lord Kay looked over briefly at Arthur, before turning his gaze back to Merlin.

“Yes, that’s Merlin.”

Merlin came over and bowed to Lord Kay. “Milord.”

Kay walked over and shook Merlin’s hand.

Arthur would have laughed at how Merlin’s eyes bulged if he wasn’t so tired.

“You’re very lucky, Arthur.” Kay walked back to Arthur.

“Lucky?” Arthur’s brow furrowed.

“He’s quite beautiful.” Kay pointed towards Merlin.

“Beautiful?” Arthur sputtered. He looked back at Merlin, whose cheeks were reddening at an alarming rate. “There are a lot of words I would use to describe Merlin and beautiful is not one of them.”

Lord Kay bit his lip, looking a bit bemused. He looked over at the men standing next to him. “I’m sorry. I haven’t made the proper introductions.” He clapped the tall blonde man next to him on the shoulder. “This is Sir Tor.” He gestured to the second man, slightly shorter with medium-length brown hair. “And that is Sir Gareth. They are two of my finest knights.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Arthur shook each of their hands.

Kay then looked over at a skinny boy to his right. He put his arm around him. “This is my servant, John.”

The younger man bowed to Arthur.

“Hello.” Arthur tried not to stare at the way Kay was holding him. He had yet to move his arm from around his servant and was caressing the boy’s shoulder.

Merlin walked over and stood beside Arthur. Arthur’s gaze fell to him. Merlin was staring at Kay and John, too.

Arthur coughed. “Merlin will help John unload the horses.”

Lord Kay finally took his arm from around John. “That won’t be necessary. John will take care of your things while I show you to your room.”

“Are you sure?” Arthur asked.

“John can handle it. I assure you he’s much stronger than he looks.” He winked at John. The teenager laughed as he walked away.

Lord Kay, Sir Tor, and Sir Gareth walked away. Arthur shook his head. Lord Kay was certainly still as strange as Arthur remembered.

 

~*~

“I hope you find your room acceptable,” Lord Kay said as they reached the door.

“I’m sure I will,” Arthur replied.

The room looked very similar to Arthur’s own chambers, except bigger. The room was decorated in various shades of white and yellow. Arthur found it a bit girlish, but it would do for a few days.

“What do you think?” Kay nodded to Merlin.

“It’s very nice.” Merlin’s eyes widened a bit and he looked caught off-guard.

“Splendid. I hope you’ll be comfortable here.”

Arthur noticed that Kay addressed his comment to Merlin. “Why would Merlin’s opinion matter?”

“I see you haven’t changed." Lord Kay pursed his lips. "The comfort of your servants may not matter to you, but it’s a great deal of importance to me. This is Merlin’s room as well and-”

“Excuse me?” Arthur interrupted Lord Kay’s tirade, stepping closer to the man.

“Merlin’s opinion matters-”

“I heard that part." Arthur interrupted him again. "What did you mean by this is Merlin’s room to?”

Kay rocked back on his heels as he eyed Arthur carefully. “I realize this isn’t the way it’s done in Camelot, but I assumed that’s why you brought Merlin here? You don’t have to be ashamed, Arthur. You and Merlin can share a bed here, it’s no trouble.”

Arthur just blinked at the man slowly. His mind was spinning. “Bed...” He looked over at Merlin, who was also staring in disbelief. He pointed at him. “Bed...Merlin?!” 

“Yes.” Kay ogled Merlin.

Arthur’s shock momentarily subsided as his insides churned at the way Kay continued to stare at Merlin. Arthur stepped in front of Merlin, blocking Kay’s view. “I would never share a bed with Merlin.” Arthur shuddered. “That’s just insane. He’s my servant.”

Kay’s countenance changed from a leer for Merlin to a hard glare for Arthur. “Servants share a bed with the nobleman here quite frequently. That is the way it is done in our kingdom. I’m sorry if that displeases you.”

Arthur could see that Lord Kay took offense at his outburst. Arthur knew he had to tread carefully. It would not be wise to antagonize someone he had to enter into negotiations with the next day.

At that moment, John arrived with Arthur’s things. Merlin moved to help the young man, but John shook his head. Merlin sighed and went back to stand beside Arthur. “Lord Kay, if I may say something?” Lord Kay nodded. “I don’t mean any disrespect to your kingdom’s traditions but Arthur and I-”

Arthur pressed a hand to Merlin’s chest to get him to stop talking. “Merlin, it’s alright. While we are in Cambia, we’ll honor their traditions.”

“Are you sure, sire?" Kay stared at Arthur for a moment. "I wouldn’t want to force you to do anything that goes against your high moral standards.”

“No one forces me to do anything; you know that, Lord Kay.” Arthur smiled tightly.

Kay clapped his hands together. “Wonderful!” He walked over to stand directly in front of Arthur. “I’ll let you get your rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Kay swiveled and faced Merlin. “It’s been very nice to meet you, Merlin. I look forward to seeing more of you tomorrow.” He took Merlin’s hand and held it between his for a moment. Merlin squirmed a little before Kay released his hand and walked out with John trailing behind him.

“I’m really surprised, Arthur." Merlin turned to Arthur. "I never thought you would actually agree to share a bed with me.” 

Arthur turned to face him, his eyebrows skyrocketing atop his forehead.

“Of course not. I get to sleep on the floor.”Merlin hung his head.

“You’re smarter than I give you credit for.” Arthur clapped him on the shoulder.

 

~*~

Arthur rolled his eyes heavenward. Merlin was trying to be quiet, but the sound of his constant squirming and turning on the ground was not letting Arthur get any sleep. Merlin was used to sleeping on less than ideal surfaces, so Arthur didn’t anticipate Merlin having such a problem. Arthur had even been nice enough to give him a pillow. He heard Merlin mumble something and sat up. _Wonderful! Who talks in their sleep?_

Finally, Arthur had enough. He threw his pillow over at Merlin.

“Huh?” Merlin muttered.

“It pains me to say this, Merlin, but I think you should get in this bed.”

Merlin’s head popped over the top of the bed. Arthur almost laughed. Merlin looked so bewildered and almost cute. And Arthur had no idea where that thought came from.

“What? Are you sure?”

“Merlin, I won’t say it again. Stay on the floor or get in the bed, it’s your choice.” Arthur flopped back down on the pillow.

Arthur could hear Merlin’s slow shuffling footsteps trudging forward. He felt the dip in the bed. Arthur felt his body tensing. He wiped his hands down on the bed. He kept his eyes closed. “Merlin?”

“Yes?”

“I’d advise you to stay on the edge of the bed. If any part of you touches me, be prepared to lose that part,” Arthur warned. Merlin didn’t say anything. Arthur just heard him gulp.

 

~*~

_Arthur woke up to two intense blue eyes staring down at him. He blinked the sleep and confusion from his eyes and realized it was Merlin. He tried to slide away from him, but Merlin was hovering above him, his arms on both sides of him trapping Arthur in place._

_“Merlin, for your sake I hope you’re still asleep because if not-”_

_“Shh!” Merlin whispered._

_Arthur’s eyes focused on Merlin’s face. Clearly it was Merlin, but he looked different to Arthur somehow. He’d never seen Merlin look so focused. His gaze never wavered from Arthur’s. His blue eyes were hypnotizing._

_Merlin’s hand slid up Arthur’s thigh. “Arthur, let me do this for you. You don’t have to deny yourself this.”_

_“Merlin, have you-have you lost your senses completely?” Arthur’s voice faltered. He made a move to take Merlin’s hand from his thigh, but he paused. He kept his hand atop Merlin’s._

_Merlin smiled. It wasn’t his usual radiant and friendly smile. This one was predatory and carnal. It stirred a deep lust within Arthur. Merlin buried his nose in Arthur’s neck. “I want you, Arthur.” He looked up and gazed into Arthur’s eyes. “Do you want me, Arthur?”_

_“Merlin...” Arthur’s throat was dry. He could barely speak. Arthur slid Merlin’s hand towards his crotch._

_“I need to hear it, Arthur. Please tell me,” Merlin pleaded._

_“Merlin...”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Merlin, I...”_

Arthur’s eyes sprang open. He was panting. Without moving his head, he quickly glanced over at Merlin who was still sound asleep. He had his back turned to Arthur.

Arthur threw a hand over his eyes and tried to control his breathing. This was the third time he’d had this dream, though usually in the dream, he did remove Merlin’s hand from his thigh, he didn’t move the hand to his...Arthur shook his head. He didn’t even want to think about where he guided Merlin’s hand to in his dream. 

Arthur didn’t know why he was having those dreams. He was not attracted to Merlin. Other than in his dreams, he didn’t think of Merlin as a sexual being. It was the furthest thing from his mind. And yet the dream kept happening. He always felt incredibly aroused afterwards. Arthur didn’t even need to look down to realize he was rock hard. Usually he would take care of the situation, but he couldn’t do that with Merlin next to him. With the state he was in, he couldn’t hope to remain quiet.

Arthur just rolled over, his back to Merlin, and hoped all of his blood would return to his brain soon. 

 

~*~

Merlin knew he should get up. Whether in Camelot or not, he still had servant duties to perform. He knew Arthur would yell himself hoarse if he saw Merlin still in bed. But Merlin wanted to take a few more moments to lie in bed. This was the most comfortable bed he'd ever slept in.

Lying beside Arthur all night was a challenge. On the one hand, Merlin found the idea of sleeping in the same bed as Arthur heavenly. But in practice, it was torture. Merlin did a great job of hiding the true nature of his feelings for Arthur when they were home. He focused on his chores. And constantly having to worry about keeping Arthur safe, didn't leave a lot of time for Merlin to dwell on the overwhelming tender feelings he had for Arthur. 

But here in Cambia, he wouldn't have those distractions and Merlin thought he might go insane having to share a bed with Arthur for days. He kept himself tightly coiled last night, his back turned to Arthur in case he had any involuntary bodily reactions.

Merlin slowly started to open one eye to get a peek at Arthur. He could see that Arthur was asleep or it seemed Arthur was, since his back was turned to him. Merlin was about to close his eye when he saw something move just to the corner of his line of sight. He opened one eye and gasped loudly. He skittered backwards and almost fell off the bed.

Arthur shot up in bed, his hand reaching for the non-existent sword by his hip, before he had even opened his eyes. When he opened his eyes, he recoiled in surprise.

"John, what are you doing here?" Arthur screeched.

John held out his hand, his head bowed. "I am so sorry, sire. I did not mean to startle you or Merlin."

Merlin just goggled at him, still getting over his surprise.

"Lord Kay just wanted to assure that you and Merlin had breakfast as soon as possible."

Arthur looked behind John to the table in the center of the room. There was enough food on there for three days.

"Th-thank you." Arthur cleared his throat.

"I hope you and Merlin enjoy it." John bowed again.

Arthur wiped at his face. "Yes, thank..." He trailed off. "Wait, Merlin?"

"Yes. Breakfast is for both you and Merlin."

"Now we're supposed to have breakfast together as well?" Arthur muttered.

"Excuse me?" John cocked his head to the side.

"Never mind. Thank you."

John smiled. He gave Merlin a little wave, which made Merlin chuckle a bit. "Merlin, Lord Kay has requested that I ask you, if you wouldn't mind assisting the other servants with preparations for the feast?"

Arthur snorted loudly. "You don't need to ask Merlin's permission. What else is he going to do all day?"

"I'll be delighted to help." Merlin ignored Arthur and addressed John.

John nodded his head rapidly. "Splendid." John grinned once more at Merlin and left.

Merlin turned to Arthur. "I assume you won't be having breakfast with me. You'll expect me to forage for food elsewhere."

Merlin was surprised when Arthur actually laughed.

Arthur shook his head as he sighed. "No, Merlin. I think I can survive having breakfast with you for a few days."

Merlin smiled briefly before getting up and walking to the table. He started piling his plate high with grapes, cheeses, and ham. He hadn't realized how famished he was until he had sat down.

He looked up to see Arthur standing by the chair directly in front of him. One of Arthur's eyebrows was raised in a perfect imitation of Gaius.

Merlin looked between the food and Arthur his brow furrowing.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Merlin, I can understand your confusion, thanks to Lord Kay's over generous and odd behavior, but you're still my servant. That means you serve me before helping yourself."

"Sorry, sire.” Merlin hastily wiped his hands on a napkin.

As Merlin got up, Arthur finally sat down. Merlin served him bread, eggs, and ham. Merlin sat down and waited for Arthur to start eating before he tore into his breakfast. They ate mostly in silence, an occasional slurp from Merlin punctuating the silence. Every once and awhile, Arthur would look up and stare at him, his nose crinkling in distaste.

As Merlin popped a grape into his mouth and studied Arthur surreptitiously. Arthur would stare into space when he wasn’t eating. If Merlin didn’t know Arthur so well, he might not have recognized the signs, but Merlin did know Arthur and he could see that Arthur was unsettled. He kept fidgeting and he’d never seen Arthur have such a focus on watching his food as he ate. Merlin desperately wanted to know what was going on in Arthur’s head.

“How did you sleep?” Merlin cleared his throat.

Arthur shook his head before looking up at Merlin. He didn’t seem to know what Merlin had asked.

“I asked how did you sleep?”

“Just fine,” Arthur said in a clipped tone.

Merlin stared at the table, wringing his hands. He plastered a smile to his face and gazed at Arthur. “Any interesting dreams?”

Arthur’s head popped up so fast, Merlin was sure he must have sprained something. His eyes practically bulged out of his head. “Why? Did I say anything in my sleep?”

“No...”Merlin trailed off.

“Because if you heard anything you probably misinterpreted it. Your brain isn’t working at full capacity when you’re awake, you couldn’t trust anything you heard when you were half asleep.”

“I didn’t hear anything, Arthur.”

“Of course you didn’t, because there was nothing to hear. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t dream _anything,_ Arthur gritted out.

Merlin nodded slowly. “Alright. Arthur, are you sure you’re-”

“Merlin, please stop talking.” Arthur got up. “We have a lot to do today. I need to get dressed.”

Merlin got up immediately. But Arthur held out his hand stopping Merlin’s forward movement.

“I can get dressed on my own.” He walked off without another word.

Merlin had a snarky retort on the tip of his tongue, but thought better of it. Merlin took a deep breath. He tried to hold on to the increasingly unlikely hope that Arthur’s mood would improve over the next few days. 

 

~*~

Arthur had not been looking forward to negotiations with Lord Kay, but he welcomed the distraction that morning, anything to get away from Merlin and thoughts of him. Arthur wasn’t sure of it was the misunderstanding last night, or the usual contentiousness over the land, but Lord Kay seemed to be in less good spirits than yesterday. He became even more cross when Arthur rejected his idea to share the land around Daobeth.

Still unable to reach an agreement they decided to suspend negotiations for the day. They had to get ready for the feast Lord Kay was having for Arthur. Arthur hoped that cooler heads would prevail tomorrow.

Lord Kay invited Arthur along to check on preparations for the feast. As they walked, Arthur noticed Lord Kay watching him from time to time. Arthur soon became annoyed and unnerved. “Do you have something you wish to say?”

Lord Kay pursed his lips. He seemed to be mulling over whether to open his mouth to speak. Finally, he sighed. “With all due respect to Uther, I had hoped that without his influence you may have changed. But you’re still so rigid and, might I say, a bit boring.”

“I’m not boring." Arthur shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. "Is this how you behave when all your negotiations go poorly?”

"This has nothing to do with negotiations and more to do with you insisting on clinging to old traditions."

"And to what traditions are you referring?"

"You needn't deny yourself something that would make you happy and give you pleasure, just because it is not what is normally done," Lord Kay explained with some urgency in his voice. This was clearly something he felt passionate about.

Arthur was about to respond, but waited until two serving girls passed them by. The two girls stopped their chattering when they saw Arthur and Lord Kay. They bowed their heads in deference as they hurriedly passed. Arthur turned to Lord Kay. "I'm not sure what gives you the impression that I lack for any happiness in my life."

"Forgive me for saying so, Sire, but I was thinking of Merlin."

As if on cue they opened the doors to the banquet hall at that moment and heard a boisterous laugh coming from Merlin. Arthur instantly spotted Merlin who was smiling up at Sir Gareth. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he had heard Merlin laugh like that. As the knight talked, Merlin regarded the man with wondrous eyes and laughed loudly when Sir Gareth finished speaking. 

Lord Kay appeared beside Arthur. "How can you not see it?”

“See what?” Arthur continued stare at Merlin.

“Merlin is a beautiful man. His eyes are captivating. They’re a blue I’ve never seen before. They’re even better than yours.”

Arthur swiveled his head sharply, scowling at the smirk on Lord Kay’s face. 

“And those lips...” Lord Kay sighed deeply. “I, honestly, don’t understand how you keep your hands off him.”

Arthur swallowed. “Trust me it’s easy. He’s a servant and he’s a man...”

“This is what I was referring to when I said you were too rigid. You’re King now Arthur. I understand your sense of duty and tradition; it’s very admirable. My father was the same way. He was a magnificent ruler, but at home he had no joy in his life. I don’t want that for myself. I want to be happy. If I want someone, and they want me in return, why shouldn’t I have them?”

Arthur wouldn’t respond to Lord Kay. He did have to admit to himself that there was some measure of sanity to what Lord Kay was saying. But that didn’t mean Merlin was what was going to make him happy. He did not want to bed his servant.

“Do you truly have no attraction to Merlin?” Lord Kay asked.

Arthur stared long and hard at Merlin. With a steely gaze, he turned to look at Lord Kay. “None.”

When Arthur looked forward again, Merlin turned to him with a wonderful smile on his face that dipped a little when he met Arthur’s eyes. Merlin’s gaze traveled to Arthur’s right. His smile perked up again. Arthur turned to see Lord Kay grinning at Merlin. Once again, Arthur felt a churning bitterness in his chest when he saw the way Lord Kay was looking at Merlin. 

Arthur needed to put a stop to this. He might not want Merlin, but he would be damned if Lord Kay took advantage of him.

 

~*~

Everyone was in high spirits that evening. There was lots of laughter, lively conversation, and the food was exquisite. The only one who didn’t seem to be enjoying the festivities was the supposed guest of honor. Arthur stared straight ahead, his scowl deepening before he took another sip from his goblet. It was a good thing John was actually proficient at his job or Arthur’s cup would be empty. Merlin had barely been by his side all night. Though for once, Arthur really couldn’t blame Merlin. It was Lord Kay who was keeping Merlin from his duties.

Lord Kay spent most of the evening trotting Merlin around to everyone in the room. He was showing Merlin off as if he was some treasured prize. He kept flirting with Merlin, and to Arthur’s surprise and chagrin, Merlin was flirting back. Lord Kay kept touching Merlin “innocently” everywhere he could find. His hands found their way on Merlin’s forearm, his shoulder, his cheek, the back of his head. When he leaned in to whisper in Merlin’s ear, Arthur practically dented the goblet in his hand. When Merlin and Kay walked closer to Arthur’s table, Arthur stood up. “Merlin, could I have a word?”

Arthur’s mouth dropped open when Merlin paid him no heed. Had the idiot gone deaf? “MERLIN!” Arthur was satisfied when Merlin practically jumped and hustled over to Arthur.

Kay turned and gave Arthur a charming smile, but Arthur could see a hint of impatience behind his eyes.

“Do you need me for something, sire?”

“Of course I need you for something. Do you think I just called you over here because I missed your company?”

Merlin barely concealed his eyes rolling heavenward. Merlin looked at him expectantly.

Arthur realized he had no idea what he wanted to say. He needed to come up with something. Normally, he could have a list of a hundred things for Merlin to do without breaking a sweat, but his mind was a blank at the moment. He would have asked for more to drink, but his goblet was full.

“I...I need...”

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

“I need you to make sure my bed’s not too cold,” he blurted out. He immediately shut his eyes, and mentally slapped himself.

“I don’t understand. You want me to warm your bed?”

“Right...NO!” Arthur shouted. Everyone turned to stare. Arthur gritted his teeth. “That’s not what I meant. I had a difficult time sleeping last night because it was too cold in the room. I want you to make sure that the room is properly heated this time.”

“It felt alright to me.”

“Yes, and clearly your opinion is the only one that matters.”

Merlin pursed his lips. “Okay, I’ll speak to Lord Kay about that.”

He started to leave, but Arthur grabbed his hand. “Why are you so eager to run off?”

“I thought you would want this taken care of immediately.” Merlin shrugged.

“Yes. But since when do you care about that?”

Merlin smiled broadly. “You know me, Arthur. I live to serve you.” He quickly got away from Arthur’s grasp and went over to talk to Lord Kay.

Arthur huffed slightly at Merlin’s quick escape. After a few minutes, Lord Kay walked over and sat down next to Arthur. “Merlin told me you had some complaints...”

“Not complaints, concerns,” Arthur interrupted.

“I assured Merlin that everything will be taken care of. I want to make sure your stay here is comfortable.”

“I appreciate that.” Arthur knew, and really didn't care, that he was doing a poor job of keeping the contempt out of his voice.

“Do you like the music?” Lord Kay pointed to the musicians playing the flute and the violin at the front of the room.

“It’s very nice.” Arthur nodded.

“I was thinking of asking Merlin to join me in a dance.” Lord Kay smiled.

Arthur almost choked on the ale he’d just drunk. He coughed and stared at Lord Kay. “Merlin, doesn’t know how to dance.”

“I would say that he does quite beautifully." Lord Kay looked at him with wide eyes. "I danced with him today.”

Arthur’s mouth dropped open. “When was that?”

“Earlier this afternoon. You’d retired to your room to read. Merlin was done with his duties for the day and we started to talk. I told him that I was a rubbish dancer and he showed me a dance that he knew.” Lord Kay looked up and smiled. “I was just telling Arthur about your dancing.”

Arthur turned, his mouth still hanging open slightly, and saw Merlin standing in front of him. Arthur’s mouth closed with a snap. He looked Merlin up and down briefly. “You know how to dance?”

“Yes.” Merlin chuckled.

“Why did I not know that you know how to dance?”

“Probably because you never bothered to ask.” Merlin looked down at his feet.

Arthur was surprised at the bitter tinge to Merlin’s words. Before he could say another word, Lord Kay stood up.

“Would you care to dance?” Lord Kay held out his hand to Merlin.

Merlin’s eyes trailed over to Arthur for a second and then he took Lord Kay’s hand. “I’d be delighted.”

Arthur watched them walk out to the middle of the room. Soon after they started to dance, more people joined them. Arthur couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Lord Kay and Merlin weren’t the only two men dancing together. Sir Tor and another servant were dancing closely as well. Arthur looked over to his left and saw Sir Gareth and John huddled close together by a pillar. Sir Gareth was whispering intimately in John’s ear. No one seemed to notice or care. It was all perfectly...normal. The world wasn’t falling in on itself and people weren’t rioting in the streets. Whatever Lord Kay was doing seemed to be working for him and the citizens of Cambia. 

Arthur looked at Lord Kay and Merlin once again, and thought back to what Lord Kay had said to him earlier. Why shouldn’t he have what he truly wanted?

~*~

Arthur ended up leaving the feast fairly early. He couldn’t stand watching Lord Kay stuck to Merlin’s side and plying Merlin with alcohol. He could have put a stop to it if he wanted, but he decided to let Merlin have some fun. Arthur undressed and got into bed. Shortly afterward, Merlin walked in, or rather he stumbled in.

“You left the feast early.” Merlin looked a bit startled to see Arthur in bed.

“Can’t get anything by you, Merlin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. He walked towards the bed, swaying at times. He looked around the darkened room. “Is everything to your satisfaction, milord?”

“Yes.”

“The temperature of the room, the color of the sheets, the number of stars in the sky...” Merlin grinned.

“There’s the cheeky bugger I know and...”

“What’s that?”

Arthur cleared his throat. “Never mind. Everything’s fine, Merlin.”

“Good.” Merlin nodded.

Arthur averted his eyes as Merlin undressed. Though Arthur couldn’t help sneaking a few glances at Merlin. He covered his mouth to hide a snicker when he saw Merlin struggling to remove his shirt. It took Merlin three tries before he got the garment over his head. He then took several minutes to struggle into his sleep shirt. After that he didn’t bother removing his pants. He just collapsed into bed.

Arthur looked over at Merlin and grinned. “Merlin, are you drunk?”

Merlin struggled to lift up his head. He looked at Arthur with crossed eyes. “I am not.”

Arthur nodded. “We’ll just see about that in the morning.”

Merlin grunted, closing his eyes.

Arthur stared at Merlin. Merlin had a cute little pout. Arthur wanted to ruffle Merlin’s hair. Arthur put his head in his hands, shaking his head furiously. Since when did he think of Merlin with words like “cute?”

He gazed at his servant again. His fingers itched to touch Merlin’s hair. He slid down in bed and closed his eyes. He tried going to sleep, but his mind was racing. After a few minutes he sat up again. “Merlin?” He nudged at him.

Merlin snuffled, but didn’t open his eyes.

Arthur nudged him again, this time a little harder. Merlin almost fell off the bed.

Merlin stopped himself from falling, grabbing onto the bed sheet and pulling himself back up. “What did you do that for?”

“Merlin, why didn’t you tell me you knew how to dance?”

“Why does it matter to you?" Merlin groaned. "There are lots of things you don’t know about me. I know how to juggle, too.”

Arthur’s head snapped back in surprise. “You know how to juggle? Merlin, you’re the clumsiest man on Earth, how can you juggle and dance?”

“Believe me, I don’t do both at the same time.”

Arthur smiled. “I’ve known you for over four years and I should know these things.”

Merlin opened his eyes fully. He sat up slowly. “Arthur, it’s alright.” Merlin picked at the sheets. “I know that I’m just your servant and that you don’t really care about my life.”

Arthur felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Merlin thought that he didn’t care? The thought made him physically sick. He wanted to argue with Merlin, but when he thought about it, he realized he’d given Merlin every reason to believe that.

Arthur moved closer to Merlin. “Merlin?” He waited for Merlin to look up. “The fact that you believe I don’t care about you is my failure and not yours. I am so sorry that I’ve given you reason to believe that. I know I can be...difficult...”

“Difficult?" Merlin arched an eyebrow. "I could think of a few other words for you.”

“Like condescending and supercilious?” Arthur laughed.

“You remembered.” Merlin smiled, though he got a faraway look in his eyes soon after.

Arthur nodded. “Yes. I do remember the things you say to me, Merlin. What you say does matter to me. You’re not just my servant, but you’re also my friend. I thought you knew that.”

“It’s really hard to know sometimes.”

Arthur sighed. “I know. But do you think I would let just anyone talk to me the way you do? Or take just a servant’s advice. I wouldn’t have gone to Ealdor for just anyone.”

Merlin shook his head. “Yes, you would have. That is the kind of person you are. You can’t just sit back and allow someone to be taken advantage of. That’s what makes you a good person and a good king.”

“Merlin, I did it for you.” Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his.

Merlin looked down at their joined hands. “When Morgana and Gwen told me they wanted to help, it wasn’t a surprise. They were so brave and I was so grateful to them. But I knew deep down that it wouldn’t really help. I was still so scared for my mother. I didn’t know what I could do to help her. I came up with a lot of crazy plans that I knew would never work. My mother needed me and I felt helpless.” Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. “Until you came. The minute I saw you, I knew everything would be alright.”

“Where does all of your faith in me come from?” Arthur ran a thumb across the back of Merlin’s hand.

The corner of Merlin’s mouth twitched. “I told you, Arthur. I believe in your destiny and you’ve never proven me wrong.”

Arthur swallowed thickly. He stared down at his and Merlin’s hands. It should feel wrong and inappropriate to be holding Merlin like that, but something about it felt right.

Merlin slowly pulled his hand away from Arthur’s. He laid back on the bed. He stared up into Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur laid down, facing Merlin. They never broke eye contact. “Merlin, tell me about your life in Ealdor. Tell me about Will.”

Merlin smiled.

Merlin and Arthur talked for hours. Merlin told him about some of the troubles he’d gotten into at Ealdor. He mentioned accidentally chopping down a neighbor’s tree. Arthur didn’t understand how he managed that, but hearing about some of his adventures, he wasn’t surprised Hunith had sent him to Camelot.

Merlin told him all about Will, about the kind and funny young man Arthur really didn’t get to meet. Merlin spoke of him with such fondness; Arthur remembered once again the sadness of Will’s death. 

Arthur felt it was only fair to reciprocate his own stories. Merlin wasn’t surprised to find out that Arthur was just as stubborn as a child as he was now. He was surprised to hear about some of the mischief Arthur got into. Arthur recalled with a smile how Uther seethed when at eight years old, he took one of the horses and left Camelot for an entire day, just to prove that he could survive on his own. He’d gotten severely punished for weeks, but he said it was completely worth it.

It wasn’t until light started to filter in through the windows that Arthur realized they had spent the entire night talking. 

Merlin slowly sat up and stretched. “I can’t believe we didn’t sleep.”

Arthur sat up and got out of bed. He should feel more tired due to the lack of sleep, but he felt strangely energized. Part of him really wanted to stay in bed and keep talking to Merlin. But there were important things that needed to be done and there were things Arthur needed to think about. He turned to Merlin. “I’m starving.”

Merlin looked over at the table in the middle of the room. “I’m surprised John hasn’t brought up breakfast yet.” He turned to Arthur and grinned. “Perhaps I’ll finally get to do my job for once.”

“You miss tending to my every need?” Arthur teased.

Merlin wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t go that far.” But he smiled widely as he walked to the door. He paused with his hand on the door knob. He turned back to Arthur. “Thank you for last night, Arthur. It’s good to know you really care.”

Arthur didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. 

 

~*~

For a trip he was initially dreading, Merlin found that he was having a splendid time in Cambia. All of the other servants were unfailingly nice and friendly. They explained some of the differences in how they did things there versus how they were done in Camelot. 

It wasn’t just the servants who were welcoming to Merlin; the knights were just as fun as Arthur’s knights and treated Merlin like an equal. If Merlin didn’t know any better he suspected that Sir Gareth was actually flirting with him. He got the same feeling from Lord Kay as well. Lord Kay was even more obvious with his stares and compliments to Merlin. Merlin wasn’t used to that kind of attention.

He still had to keep his magic hidden, but it didn’t bother him as much here. He wasn’t constantly on edge and felt no real need to use it.

And now Arthur was finally starting to come around. Lord Kay must have had a better effect on Arthur than either of them would have thought. Arthur’s behavior after the feast was so different and it would have been startling, if Merlin didn’t enjoy it so much. Merlin sincerely hoped that this could lead to long-term changes in their relationship.

Even the kitchen was different in Cambia. In Camelot, the cook would rather gnaw off your hand then allow you to help her, but the cook here welcomed everyone’s assistance. Right now, Merlin was helping her prepare some bread by kneading the dough for her. Merlin heard someone walk in and was surprised when he saw Lord Kay walk toward him.

“Lord Kay! I’m surprised to see you here.”

“The kitchen is one of my favorite places in the castle. It smells incredible and as ruler of this land, I get to try anything I want.” Lord Kay smiled.

Merlin laughed. “You’re lucky you don’t live in Camelot. King or no King, no one gets anything from the cook.”

“I’ll make sure not to spend too much time in the Camelot kitchens then.”

“Are you and Arthur done for the day? I hope negotiations are going well.” Merlin turned the dough over and smoothed it out slowly with his hands.

“Things are going much better today. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I feel we may come to an amicable arrangement very soon.”

“That’s wonderful.” Merlin smiled.

“It is.” Lord Kay sighed.

“Is something troubling you?” Merlin looked up at him and saw that Lord Kay was frowning.

Lord Kay crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Reaching an agreement is best for both Camelot and Cambia, but I’ll be sad to see you and Arthur depart.”

“Trust me in two days you’ll be glad to see the back of Arthur’s head.” Merlin chuckled.

“He can be quite prickly, can’t he?” Lord Kay laughed.

Merlin nodded. A fond smile spread on his face. He enjoyed teasing Arthur and joking about him, but he really wouldn’t change anything about him, a thought which surprised Merlin. “He can be quite…difficult.”

“Do you enjoy working for him?”

“For the most part.”

“And living in Camelot, how is that? I know things in Camelot can be quite contentious at times.”

“Camelot does have its share of problems." Merlin pursed his lips. "There’s so much that I wish was different, but it’s my home now. I know that things can get better and I want to be there for that.”

“You’re very loyal.”

Merlin just shrugged awkwardly, looking away when he met Lord Kay’s eyes. 

Lord Kay walked around the table and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “You’re a remarkable man, Merlin. If Arthur doesn’t know what he has, then he’s a fool.”

 

~*~

Arthur had a constant feeling lately of wanting to sit on his hands when he was around Merlin. His hands felt like they had minds of their own and were desperate to find any excuse to touch Merlin. He kept fidgeting and having to clench his fists. Merlin was in the middle of undressing him for the night and Arthur almost ran a hand through Merlin’s hair. They hadn’t talked about the previous night. Arthur just hoped that Merlin was clear on how Arthur felt about him. Arthur sighed. How could Merlin be clear on Arthur’s feelings for him when he wasn’t even clear on his feelings?

After Merlin lifted his shirt over his head, Arthur looked at Merlin. “What do you think of Lord Kay?”

Merlin shrugged. “I think he’s a very nice man.”

“That’s all – nice?”

Merlin laughed. He unlaced Arthur’s breeches. “What else do you want me to say?”

“You’ve talked to him quite a few times since we’ve been here. He speaks _very_ highly of you. I thought you might have more to say than that he’s nice.”

Merlin walked to the bed and picked up Arthur’s white night shirt. Arthur raised his arms and Merlin slipped the shirt over Arthur’s head. Merlin’s chest grazed Arthur’s bare chest and Arthur dug his fingernails into his palm.

“All right. I think Lord Kay is a great man. All of the servants really love him. He treats them like equals and is very respectful. He’s brought peace and prosperity to Cambia. He’s warm and funny and…” Merlin trailed off.

“And?” Arthur prodded.

“And…” Merlin bit his lip. “He’s not displeasing to look at.”

“Not displeasing to look at? If you think he’s attractive Merlin, just say so.”

“I just didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“And what would that be?” Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Merlin quickly helped Arthur into his trousers and practically ran to the door.

Lord Kay stepped in and nodded at Arthur. “I’m sorry to disturb you.”

“It’s no trouble. What do you need?”

“Arthur, I was wondering if I might…borrow Merlin for the evening.”

“Borrow?” Arthur’s brow furrowed.

“Yes. John will be… attending to Sir Tor this evening and I think Merlin could be of assistance to me. You don’t need him do you, Arthur?”

Arthur looked from Merlin to Lord Kay and back again. Merlin was watching Lord Kay with interest. Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he glared at Lord Kay. “Yes, I do need him.”

Lord Kay’s eyebrow rose.

“Arthur, you can manage without me for one night, can’t you?” Merlin added.

Arthur couldn’t read the expression on Lord Kay’s face. He couldn’t tell if he was upset or amused. Merlin looked at him with huge blue eyes that seemed to be imploring Arthur to give in to Lord Kay’s request. So he did. 

Arthur sighed deeply. “I suppose I can manage for one night without Merlin.”

Lord Kay clapped his hands together and beamed with happiness. “Splendid. I’ll give him back to you with nary a scratch on him.” Lord Kay grinned.

Arthur gritted his teeth and forced a fake smile. “See that you do.”

Lord Kay beckoned to Merlin with his hand. “Shall we, Merlin?”

Merlin nodded. He followed Lord Kay. Before walking through the door, he looked back at Arthur. He gave him a brief smile.

Arthur threw his head back. Why did he say yes? He didn’t want Lord Kay around Merlin and certainly not alone with him. He could have said no and now Merlin was “attending” to Lord Kay. If Lord Kay tried anything with Merlin…Arthur sighed, there was nothing he could do now. He sat down on the bed. He just had to hope that Merlin wouldn’t allow anything to happen. Arthur fell back against the bed. He had a feeling he was in for another sleepless night.

 

~*~

_Arthur turned over in bed. He was surprised when he was greeted with Merlin’s smiling face. “I thought you were with Lord Kay?”_

_Merlin reached out and caressed Arthur’s cheek. Arthur closed his eyes. “I was, but I couldn’t stand to be away from you, not for one more second. Did you miss me?” Merlin leaned forward, his mouth inches from Arthur’s._

_Arthur nodded._

_Merlin breathed heavily against Arthur’s mouth. “Do you want to kiss me?”_

_Arthur didn’t answer him. He lurched forward and devoured Merlin’s mouth. He climbed over Merlin, running his hands through Merlin’s hair._

_Merlin moaned deeply into his mouth. Merlin pulled away slowly. He stared up into Arthur’s blown pupils. “Do you want to fuck me, Arthur?”_

Arthur gasped awake. He sat up quickly and looked over and saw that Merlin was not there. He hadn’t come back all night. The room was eerily quiet. Arthur couldn’t hear any signs of life outside. Arthur stood up and began to pace. He had half a mind to go storming over to Lord Kay’s chambers, but resisted. He took a few calming breaths. Negotiations with Lord Kay were so close to being finished, Arthur didn’t want to take any chances of ruining it. With all likelihood they could come to an agreement today and soon they could leave Cambia behind. The faster he separated Merlin and Lord Kay the better.

 

~*~

It wasn’t easy for Arthur to put Merlin out of his mind, the urge to question Lord Kay about last night insanely strong. But Arthur set those thoughts aside to concentrate on the business at hand. His decision paid off. As he hoped negotiations went well and they were able to come to an agreement that worked well for both of them. Lord Kay agreed that Camelot’s claim to the land had more merit as long as Arthur assured him that he would not forbid anyone access to the lands and that Cambia would be able to seek refuge there if there was any need. They would sign an official agreement after the tournament tomorrow. Arthur hoped to leave the next day after that.

Lord Kay smiled at Arthur and clapped him on the back. “I’m glad this matter is settled and we can now enjoy the tournament tomorrow without this matter hanging over our heads.”

“I agree." Arthur nodded. "I’d hate for you to blame a lack of concentration when I win tomorrow.”

Lord Kay threw his head back and laughed. “You’re so competitive, Arthur. You always did hate to lose. I’ve never seen anyone so red-faced after I bested you last time.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I was fourteen, Kay, and I was a very gracious loser.”

“Yes, you were.” Lord Kay grinned.

“I don’t plan on losing to you again.”

“You know what they say about plans, Arthur.”

Arthur tried to grin, but it was more of a grimace. He looked down and cleared his throat. “I should go and find my wayward servant.”

Arthur began to walk away and Lord Kay fell in step with him. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked me about last night.”

“I assume everything went well.” Arthur shrugged.

“Very well.”

Arthur’s step faltered and he scowled at Lord Kay. “What does that mean?”

Lord Kay waved his hands, trying to look innocent. “Nothing in particular. Merlin is a very good servant. He did everything I asked with no complaints. I’ll be sorry to see him go.”

Arthur scrutinized Lord Kay for a moment, before continuing to walk from the throne room. “I’m sure that Merlin will miss it here. He’s come to really admire you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Lord Kay inhaled a breath and stopped Arthur with a hand to his arm. “I was thinking that perhaps Merlin didn’t have to leave.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes. “It would be very difficult for Merlin to serve me in Camelot if he never left here.”

“Perhaps you could find another servant.”

“Why would I do that?” Arthur hugged his arms to his chest.

Lord Kay bit his lip. “It just seems to me that Merlin is really enjoying the way things are here and after what he’s told me about his life in Camelot-”

“What did he say? Is Merlin unhappy?”

Lord Kay wrinkled his nose. “I won’t tell you what he said. You’ll have to ask Merlin if you want to know. I can only say that from what I have gathered Merlin enjoys his work with you, but things in Camelot are very difficult, and I think he would find it easier somewhere that was less…restrictive.”

Arthur looked down, running a hand across the back of his neck. He felt dizzy. This past week had opened his eyes to so much about Merlin. He knew that Merlin thought that he didn’t care about him, but he thought that overall Merlin was happy in Camelot. But if that wasn’t true…

“Arthur, if you were to give me Merlin-”

“Merlin is not mine to _give_. He’s not property.” Arthur gritted out.

“Of course not." Lord Kay shook his head. "That wasn’t what I meant. If Merlin were to come and stay here, we would look after him. I promise. Ultimately, I just want Merlin to be happy. Talk to him and ask him how he feels, Arthur. That’s all I ask.”

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. As soon as he felt he could walk again, he turned on his heel. “I’ll talk to him,” he said as he walked away.

 

~*~

Merlin thought hiding in the kitchen wasn’t the greatest idea. Lord Kay had found him in there once before, he could again. Mainly, Merlin wanted to avoid Arthur and he thought Arthur would be less likely to look for him in there. 

Merlin put down the plate he was cleaning and rested his hands in the warm, soapy water. He tried not to think about last night, but he couldn’t get it out of his head. Lord Kay had kissed him! And he had kissed him back! What had he been thinking? 

Merlin sighed deeply. He had been so caught off guard; he hadn’t known exactly what to do. And Lord Kay was a very handsome man who was clearly attracted to Merlin. For a moment, Merlin gave in to his curiosity, but then an image of Arthur flashed in his head and he had pushed Lord Kay away. He had apologized profusely, but Lord Kay had waved off the apology. He had said Merlin had nothing to be sorry for. He truly didn’t seem upset in the slightest. Lord Kay didn’t touch him for the rest of the night. He was unfailingly polite, but Merlin had still felt awkward around him. He had left as fast as his legs could carry him when Lord Kay dismissed him. He had chosen not to go back to Arthur’s chambers and actually slept in the stables that night.

Merlin almost jumped ten feet in the air when his thoughts were interrupted by someone standing next to him. He looked over and sighed in relief when he saw it was John. The boy joined Merlin and picked up a goblet and began to clean it. He turned to Merlin and smiled. “Hello, Merlin.”

“Hello.” Merlin removed his hands from the water and wiped them on a towel. “How was your evening?”

John pursed his lips slightly, his cheeks reddening. “It was very good.” He turned his gaze to Merlin. “How was yours?”

He chewed on his lips for a moment. “Lord Kay kissed me,” Merlin blurted out. His eyes widened immediately. He could not believe he just blurted that out.

John surprised Merlin by laughing. “I’m not surprised. Lord Kay has had his eye on you since you arrived. If King Arthur wasn’t going to take advantage, Kay certainly would.”

“Wow, I thought you might be a bit jealous.” Merlin rubbed a hand across his face.

John’s brow furrowed. “Why would I be jealous? I was with Sir Tor last night.” He grinned at Merlin. “I don’t belong to Lord Kay any more than he belongs to me.”

“I don’t know why, I just assumed that you loved Lord Kay.” Merlin turned around and rested his hands against the sink.

John shook his head. “I care about Lord Kay. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t come to Cambia and had him welcome me the way that he did. But I am not in love with him. When the servants bed the noblemen, it’s not about love. It’s just a way for them to sate their desires.”

“And for you?”

“It’s fun.” John shrugged.

Merlin thought on that for a moment and twisted around. He began to clean again. “Were you at all scared the first time he made advances toward you?”

John shook his head, smirking a little. “I actually made advances toward him first.”

“Really?” Merlin’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

“Yes. It was very subtle. I knew the way things were done in Cambia, but I couldn’t be sure if Lord Kay wanted the same arrangement with me. He didn’t look at me the way he looks at you.”

Merlin blushed.

“I’d been his servant for a fortnight and he hadn’t touched me. I didn’t know how to ask what he wanted, so I thought I would find a way to see how he felt. I was bathing him one night and instead of the usual short and light touches, I let my hand linger every so often. Nothing too overt, but he knew what I was asking. And when I looked down between his legs, I had my answer about what he wanted.”

Merlin swallowed thickly. 

“Lord Kay said afterwards that he had just wanted to be sure that I wanted it too,” John continued. He eyed Merlin for a second. “You might want to try that with King Arthur.”

“Try what?” Merlin’s head swiveled around.

“Do something like I did to see how he feels.”

“I know how Arthur feels.” Merlin let out a light chuckle.

“Are you sure?”

Merlin nodded slowly.

John cocked his head to the side and stared at Merlin. “It may not be about love here in Cambia, but if Lord Kay looked at me the way Arthur looks at you…I’d be a very happy man.”

Merlin watched John turn back to the task of cleaning the plates. Merlin sighed. Perhaps John was on to something.

 

~*~

Arthur was tired and dirty. He’d taken a long ride on one of Lord Kay’s horses to clear his head. It didn’t work as he hoped. Now on top of being confused, he was dirty and tired and irritable. He hadn’t seen Merlin all day. He had no idea what he’d tell Merlin about Lord Kay’s offer when he did.

He opened the door to his chambers and spotted Merlin immediately. Merlin was standing in front of the small wooden tub; it was filled with steaming water. He turned around swiftly when he heard Arthur come in.

Arthur walked further into the room slowly. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Merlin. He pointed to the tub. “What’s this?”

“You haven’t forgotten what bathing is, have you?” Merlin teased. His tone was gentler than normal.

Arthur just stared at Merlin.

“John told me that you went for a ride. I thought you might want a bath when you got back.”

Arthur walked over to him. He stopped a few feet in front of Merlin. “Thank you, Merlin.”

Merlin stepped forward into Arthur’s personal space. He gently removed Arthur’s robe and Arthur helped him remove the chainmail. Merlin quickly worked on the laces of Arthur’s trousers. Once Arthur was fully undressed, Merlin led Arthur to the tub. Arthur slowly climbed into the tub and sank down. He sighed as he laid his head over the rim.

Merlin grabbed a flannel and soaked it in the water. Arthur closed his eyes. The sound of the water dripping as Merlin removed the flannel was soothing. Arthur felt Merlin move right beside him. He opened his eyes and Merlin was hovering above him. Arthur sucked in a breath as Merlin slowly scrubbed the flannel down his chest. He repeated the motion. Arthur wasn’t sure if Merlin was doing this on purpose, but his movements seemed slower and more methodical than usual. The combination of Merlin’s strokes and his breath hot against his ear was making Arthur’s whole body tingle.

He licked his lips and tried to get his breathing under control. When the flannel rubbed against his nipple, Arthur’s toes curled. Arthur looked up and Merlin was peering down at him intently. The look in his eyes was one Arthur only recognized in his dreams. But Arthur knew he wasn’t dreaming now. His heart was beating far too hard in his chest.

“Lean forward,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur did as he was asked. His body tensed and his shoulders were almost up to his ears. Merlin squeezed the flannel and the warm water trickled over his shoulder. Arthur tensed impossibly further when Merlin touched his shoulder with his bare hand. Merlin didn’t usually touch him when he bathed him. Arthur wondered what had gotten into Merlin. Even more so, he wondered how he was going to stave off the blood that rushed to his nether regions. Thinking of battlefields and dead bodies didn’t work and neither did, surprisingly, picturing Gaius naked.

“Merlin…” Arthur started.

“Shhh…don’t say anything.” Merlin pushed up against his back. He rubbed the flannel hard against Arthur’s back bringing it slowly over Arthur’s shoulder and to Arthur’s chest. 

Arthur decided to give in. His erection was inevitable and his itchy fingers longed to bury themselves in Merlin’s hair. 

Arthur had never been more grateful, or more aggravated, when there was a knock on the door. 

Merlin groaned and stood up. He hurriedly placed a screen in front of the tub. He rushed to the door. “Lord Kay!” Merlin announced.

“Of course.” Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Are you here to see Arthur?” Merlin asked.

“No. I wanted to talk to you, Merlin. I’m not sure if I properly apologized for last night.”

Arthur’s ears perked up.

Merlin exhaled softly. “You apologized last night. It’s not necessary to do it again.”

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me, Merlin. I know that kiss was a surprise.”

Arthur’s mouth dropped up. His fingers dug into the sides of the tub. Naked or not, he seriously contemplated jumping out of the tub and strangling Lord Kay.

“I’m not uncomfortable. It was just one kiss and you already apologized. We don’t need to talk about it anymore.”

“Alright. I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”

Merlin didn’t say anything. The next thing Arthur heard was the door closing.

Arthur jumped up immediately and removed the screen. Merlin was walking towards him with his head down. Arthur stalked forward. “He kissed you?!”

Merlin still couldn’t meet Arthur’s eyes. “Yes. But it was just one kiss and…”

“And did you like it?”

“That’s not the issue.”

“I think it is,” Arthur huffed. “Did you enjoy it, Merlin?”

Merlin looked up at Arthur, before quickly looking back down. “Yes, briefly but-”

“Merlin, I’d like you to ask John to come up here and assist me?”

“John? Why?” Merlin furrowed his brow.

“Because I need to prepare for the tournament and I don’t want you here.”

Merlin sighed deeply. His shoulders heaved up and down as he stared at Arthur. “Arthur, why are you acting like this?”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you, Merlin.” He turned his back to Merlin. “I gave you an order. Now go!”

Arthur refused to turn back and look at him. Merlin stayed rooted to the spot for another minute before Arthur heard his feet slap against the ground and then the door slammed shut.

 

~*~

Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he trained so hard, especially for a simple tournament. Part of him had hoped that when he got back to his and Merlin’s room that Merlin wouldn’t be there. Though another part knew if that were the case it was more than likely that Merlin would be with Lord Kay. Arthur knew that his anger at Merlin was irrational. He knew that he should have let Merlin explain, but he didn’t want to hear it. He was angrier at himself than at Merlin or Lord Kay. He hated having these feelings for Merlin. He didn’t understand where they came from and he hated how they made him feel out of control and anxious. Perhaps distancing himself from Merlin was for the best. But just how much distance was necessary, he wondered.

When he got to their room, it was dark and when he walked further inside he could see Merlin was in bed. He didn’t wake Merlin. He got undressed quietly and slipped into bed. Merlin had his back to him and didn’t move as Arthur settled against his pillow. Arthur stared at Merlin’s back for a moment before sighing and turning over.

 

~*~

When Arthur woke up the next morning he felt something heavy against his chest. He opened his eyes and looked down to see Merlin’s arm draped across his chest and Merlin’s head close to his, sharing Arthur’s pillow. Arthur gulped. He made a move to remove Merlin’s arm, but hesitated. Instead he carefully and gently ran his hand through Merlin’s hair. He smiled when Merlin smiled. Arthur looked down at Merlin’s face and wondered why he refused to take what he wanted.

He was about to wake Merlin when he heard a short knock on the door. John stuck his head in. Arthur almost forgot he asked John to come over first thing in the morning. Arthur quickly removed Merlin’s hand and stood up. He looked down briefly to make sure he didn’t have an erection and walked towards John.

Arthur heard Merlin begin to stir behind him. “Thank you for arriving promptly, John.”

John bowed his head. “Of course, sire.”

“Arthur?” He heard Merlin call out.

Arthur took a deep breath and turned around. He gave Merlin a bored expression as he walked toward the bed. “Good morning, Merlin.”

“Did John bring breakfast?” Merlin rubbed at his eyes.

“Not yet. I asked him to come up here before he did that.”

“Why?” Merlin looked behind Arthur to John.

“I think it would be for the best if John helped me prepare for the tournament today. I think you should go and help Lord Kay. I suspect that’s where you would prefer to be.”

Merlin frowned. “If that’s what you want…”

“It is.” Arthur nodded.

“I shouldn’t keep Lord Kay waiting then.” Merlin threw back the covers roughly.

Arthur watched Merlin rip clothes from the cupboard and get dressed hastily. Merlin glared at Arthur before storming out of the room.

 

~*~

Merlin had been incredibly flustered as he helped Lord Kay put on his armour. He’d made mistakes that he hadn’t made since he first became Arthur’s servant. Lord Kay had been patient. Merlin couldn’t stop fuming about Arthur’s behavior over the last 24 hours. Arthur’s moods were giving Merlin whiplash. He wasn’t sure why Arthur was being so chilly and refused to let him explain Lord Kay’s kiss. A part of Merlin suspected Arthur of being jealous, and the thought did give him a bit of a thrill, but he was too upset over Arthur’s behavior to be consoled by that thought. 

Merlin finally got the last piece of Lord Kay’s armour in place and reached for Lord Kay’s helmet. 

Lord Kay took it and pursed his lips. He looked at Merlin with concern. “I’m sorry if I’ve caused any discord between Arthur and you.”

“It’s not really your fault.”

“I suppose this is Arthur’s way of giving me his answer.”

“Answer about what?” Merlin ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh, dear.” Lord Kay sucked in a breath.

“What’s wrong?” Merlin looked toward the man sharply.

“I suppose Arthur didn’t talk to you then.”

Merlin stepped closer to Lord Kay. “Tell me about what?”

 

~*~

As expected, Lord Kay and Arthur were the last two left standing. Arthur mounted his horse. He looked across the field and watched as Lord Kay leaned over and kissed Merlin on the cheek. Arthur’s blood boiled. He practically ripped the lance out of the poor servant’s hand, gripping it tightly. 

He briefly waved to the crowd as they cheered. He stuffed his helmet over his head and stared daggers across the field at Lord Kay. He took off at a fast pace when the flags were raised. As the horse galloped faster and faster, and he got closer and closer, his anger at Lord Kay began to boil over. If it wasn’t for him he wouldn’t be feeling like he was. It was Lord Kay’s insistence that he share a bed with Merlin, his ideas about taking your pleasure where you can, his behavior around Merlin that caused Arthur’s problems. 

Arthur had never wanted to cause serious bodily damage to anyone as much as he wanted to hurt Lord Kay. He thrust his lance forward at the same time as Lord Kay thrust his forward. They both narrowly missed the other.

Arthur gripped his horses’ reins and quickly brought it to a stop. He got back in position right away and charged forward again. This time he focused his anger better and was more precise. He landed more than a glancing blow to Lord Kay’s side and the man toppled off of his horse and was dragged briefly.

Arthur ripped off his helmet and thrust it in the air. Even though their ruler wasn’t victorious the crowd was very loud with their cheers. Arthur smiled sincerely. He spotted Merlin on the sidelines. He did not look amused or happy in the slightest. 

Arthur trotted over and dismounted. He handed his lance to a servant and the servant took it and the horse away. Arthur sauntered over to Merlin. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”

“For what – your victory just now or on finally getting rid of your useless servant?” Merlin’s lips formed a thin line.

Merlin stormed off as Arthur spluttered behind him, having no idea what Merlin was on about.

It took Arthur a long time to catch up with Merlin. They were just outside of their chambers when Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arm. “Merlin, stop!”

Merlin paused briefly.

“Thank…”

Merlin charged forward again, throwing the door open to their chambers and literally slamming the door in Arthur’s face. 

Arthur’s eyes widened and he stared in shock at the closed door for a moment. He wrenched the door open and stalked toward Merlin, who had begun to pace.

“What…the… _hell _has gotten in to you, Merlin?"__

Lord Kay told me about his offer. He wants me to stay here as one of his servants.”

“Oh.” Arthur’s anger deflated a bit.

“Yes, oh. It seems in your rush to remove me from your life, you forgot to inform me of this rather important decision which happens to concern me,” Merlin yelled.

“Nothing has been decided.”

“That makes me feel so much better,” Merlin muttered in a sarcastic tone.

“I don’t know why you’re upset.” Arthur threw up his hands.

Merlin narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know why I’m upset? You actually have to think about whether or not to get rid of me.” He shrugged. “Why would that upset me?”

Arthur ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I couldn’t make the decision on my own, since as you said, this affects you, too. I was going to tell you about Kay’s offer, but-”

“But you had to overreact to his kissing me instead.

“Yes. I’m sorry about that.” Arthur clenched his hands tightly. 

Merlin hugged his arms to his chest. He shook his head slowly. “I actually believe what you said to me the other day, that you were my friend and that you cared about me.”

Arthur crossed the room quickly and Merlin stopped pacing. “I was considering this because I do care about you. I thought you might want to stay in Cambia.”

“Why would you think that?

“Because…because you like it here," Arthur growled. "Cambia’s much more peaceful and less restrictive than Camelot and the people here don’t treat you horribly. You think Lord Kay’s a great man. You like kissing him.”

“It was one kiss." Merlin groaned. "I briefly enjoyed it and then I pushed him away."

“You pushed him away?”

“Yes."

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain." Arthur sighed.

Merlin sat down on the bed heavily.

Arthur walked over and sat down next to him. “Merlin, I just want you to be happy.”

Merlin’s forehead creased deeply as he shot Arthur an incredulous look. “You really are an idiot, Arthur!"

Arthur’s eyes widened.

Merlin’s expression softened. “I told you once that I was trying to find a place where I fit in and I found it. Camelot is my home. I belong there and I belong with you.”

Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes. They gazed at each other.

Merlin stood up. “But I won’t stay there if you don’t want me to.”

He walked out of the room.

~*~

Merlin stood behind Arthur during dinner wanting to be anywhere but there. Lord Kay looked to him a few times, but Merlin was in no mood to deal with him. 

“Your cup is empty.” Lord Kay clapped Arthur on the shoulder. He twisted around. “Merlin? Could you come here, please? Arthur’s goblet is empty.”

Merlin sighed and walked forward stiffly. He refilled Arthur’s drink and went back to his previous position.

“Things aren’t any better between you and Merlin.” Lord Kay said to Arthur.

Arthur didn’t answer him. He just took a long gulp of his ale. 

“I didn’t mean to cause any trouble between you two.”

Arthur laughed, surprising both Merlin and Lord Kay. “That’s all you’ve tried to do this entire week.”

“Arthur-”

“It’s true. Lord Kay, I respect you as a leader and how you choose to rule your kingdom is entirely up to you. But I’m not you. I’m not my father. I will rule Camelot as I see fit and if that means following old, rubbish traditions that’s my decision. I’m glad that we were able to reach an amicable decision and I don’t want to spoil that, but I’m going to turn down your offer. Merlin is going to come home with me because that’s where he belongs and because I couldn’t imagine Camelot without him." Arthur looked over and smiled at Merlin. "You were right about one thing this entire time – Merlin is special and I wouldn’t give him up for anything.” Arthur got up and dropped his napkin on the table. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to try and get some sleep. We have a long day’s journey home tomorrow.”

Lord Kay just nodded. 

Merlin tried to hide the beaming smile on his face when Lord Kay twisted to face him, but he couldn’t help it. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Merlin.” Lord Kay smiled back. As Merlin passed him, Lord Kay grabbed his hand and placed something in it. “I think you may need this tonight.”

“What’s this?” Merlin scrunched up his nose as he looked down at his hand.

Lord Kay just smirked. “When the time is right, you’ll know what to do with it.”

Merlin looked at it for a moment longer before looking once more at Lord Kay and walking away.

~*~

Arthur held up his arms as Merlin took his shirt off. Merlin hadn’t said anything as he’d walked into the room. He walked up to Arthur and started to undress him for the night. He had that look in his eye again, the one from Arthur’s dream and from when he was bathing him the previous day. 

Arthur chose to sleep shirtless that night. He got into bed and watched Merlin undress. Merlin didn’t make a show of it, but he took his time. Arthur shut his eyes tight when Merlin walked over to the bed and he felt the dip in the bed when Merlin lay down.

“Arthur?” Merlin’s hand ghosted over his gently.

Arthur found he had difficulty breathing as he turned to Merlin. He swallowed thickly. “Yes?”

“Thank you for what you said tonight. I won’t forget it.”

Arthur nodded his head jerkily. “I meant every word.”

“I know.” Merlin squeezed his hand. He then laid back and closed his eyes.

Arthur looked up at the ceiling and blew out a slow breath. He didn’t know why he was just lying there. If anything was going to happen, he would have to do something. But he found that for one of the few times in his life, he was truly paralyzed with fear. He knew that the time was dwindling. They would be home soon and Arthur knew he would never have the courage to act on what he was feeling there.

Arthur lay there for a while, thinking. Arthur’s indecision wasn’t the only thing that kept him awake. Merlin had managed to get some rest, but he was clearly distressed as well. He proceeded to toss and turn repeatedly, constantly stealing the covers. Merlin rotated again, giving Arthur his back and took the covers again. Arthur rolled his eyes and grabbed the covers. He sat up on his elbows. “Merlin, I swear…” His voice became choked as Merlin turned again onto his back. The sheets had slipped down to Merlin’s thighs and Arthur couldn’t help it as his gaze traveled to Merlin’s groin. There was a clear tent in his trousers.

Arthur gulped and looked away for a second. But he quickly turned back when Merlin began to mumble in his sleep. “Arthur…” He said in a hushed, reverent tone.

Arthur slid both hands down his face. Merlin was thinking about him and clearly whatever he was dreaming about was affecting him in a very, very big way. 

Arthur sat up in bed and leaned closer to Merlin. He slowly snaked his hand closer to the front of Merlin’s pants. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He had to feel it, just once. He tentatively touched Merlin’s clothed erection. It was a feather light touch, but Merlin moaned. With that moan something broke inside of Arthur and he was hit with a wave of lust he couldn’t hope to contain.

His touch went from feather light to firmer, harder strokes. Arthur moved to crouch above Merlin. He put his head in Merlin’s crotch and sniffed loudly.

Merlin finally began to stir as Arthur tugged at the laces to Merlin’s pants. Merlin’s eyes fluttered open. His unfocused gaze cleared up quickly when he saw Arthur and what he was doing. “Arthur?”

Arthur pulled down Merlin’s pants. Merlin’s thin, long cock was standing at attention. “Tell me you don’t want this, Merlin.” Arthur grasped Merlin’s cock by the base.

“I can’t. I’ve wanted this for so long.” Merlin’s hands clutched the sheets.

“Good.” Arthur licked at the head of Merlin’s cock experimentally.

Merlin’s entire body came off the bed as he let out a strangled cry.

Arthur pushed his body down gently with his hand. He swallowed Merlin down to the root. His eyes began to water, but he didn’t care. Merlin’s loud moans spurred him on. He retreated when he thought it might be too much for him. He wiped at his eyes.

He didn’t let Merlin recover as he gasped for air. Arthur licked a long stripe from the root to the base.

“Arthur!” Merlin moaned.

Arthur couldn’t get enough of him. He felt extremely foolish for having denied himself this for so long. Out of the corner his eye he saw Merlin’s hand as it hovered over the bed. Merlin kept clenching his fist over and over again. He reached over and brought Merlin’s hand to his head as he took Merlin into his mouth.

Merlin carded his hand through Arthur’s hair. He was gentle at first, but as Arthur sucked on the tip of his cock, Merlin pressed down on Arthur’s head and forced it down further. Merlin let out a loud and long groan. “Oh! Oh, Arthur that’s so fucking good!”

Arthur hummed around Merlin’s cock and looked up to see Merlin’s eyes roll back in his head. He pulled back slowly savoring the taste of Merlin. Arthur swirled his tongue around the tip as Merlin’s breath comes out in a series of sharp gasps.

Arthur bobbed his head up and down, speeding up as Merlin writhed against the bed. Merlin tugged at Arthur’s hair. “Arthur, Arthur I’m going to…”

Arthur didn’t ease away, instead he sucked harder until Merlin began to convulse and come filled Arthur’s mouth. He eased off Merlin’s cock to swallow the salty taste down. He stroked Merlin with his hand as he took his mouth off Merlin’s softening penis.

He kissed his way slowly up Merlin’s body. When he is finally face to face with Merlin, his lust subsides for a moment as he looked into Merlin’s eyes. Merlin pants and his cheeks are flushed, but Arthur’s breath is stolen when for the first time he realized just how beautiful Merlin was. The realization of his luck to have had Merlin in his life for so long hits him so hard that tears spring to his eyes.

Merlin has finally recovered enough to see Arthur’s tears. Merlin caressed Arthur’s cheek tenderly. Arthur buried his head in Merlin’s shoulder for a moment. Looking up, he quickly captured Merlin’s mouth in a bruising kiss. Merlin opened his mouth on a moan and Arthur swept his tongue against the roof of Merlin’s mouth. Merlin wrapped his legs around Arthur and writhes against him. 

Arthur pulled back and ripped Merlin’s shirt over his head. He moved to Merlin’s feet and yanked his pants off. He roughly turned Merlin over. He licked his way up Merlin’s back and kissed the back of Merlin’s neck.

Merlin hooked his arm around the back of Arthur’s neck. He turned to Arthur. “Get undressed.”

“Are you telling me what to do, Merlin?” Arthur nipped at Merlin’s ear.

“Yes,” Merlin panted.

Arthur grinned and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s mouth and scraped his teeth against Merlin’s bottom lip. He got up and quickly got out of his pants.

Merlin twisted around. “Arthur, there’s a small jar in the cupboard. Get it, please?”

Arthur lifted an eyebrow, but rushed off to do as Merlin asked. He got back to the bed and handed the jar to Merlin with a questioning look.

“Lord Kay gave it to me. He said I would probably need it tonight.” Merlin looked down sheepishly.

“That cheeky wanker,” Arthur mumbled.

Merlin took Arthur’s face in his hands. “Do you want to think about him or do you want to fuck me?”

Arthur answered that with a slow kiss, and as Merlin’s tongue tangled with his, Arthur moved over Merlin. Arthur broke the kiss and pushed Merlin’s face gently down on to the pillow. He opened the jar of oil and coated his fingers. He quickly prepared Merlin’s entrance. Merlin groaned and pushed back against Arthur’s fingers.

Arthur coated his cock with the oil. He looked down and saw that he was leaking already. He feared that this would not last long, his desire for Merlin too great. With that in mind, he climbed over Merlin and ran a hand through his hair as he entered Merlin with one thrust.

Merlin’s breathing is labored as he shut his eyes. Arthur stroked his hand down Merlin’s back and everywhere he could find. He began to undulate against Merlin’s back slowly and fucked into Merlin deeper and deeper. He groaned into Merlin’s ear. 

Merlin began to keen and clutch at the sheets. He said Arthur’s name over and over again in a desperate cry for something Arthur did not want to give him yet. Arthur didn’t want this to be over, but he could feel the pressure building inside. His balls tightened and with one last thrust he spilled inside Merlin. “Merlin!” 

He reached forward and pulled at Merlin’s cock. Once, twice, and that’s all it took before Merlin’s come spilled over his hand. 

Arthur panted harshly and collapsed against Merlin’s back. As he began to pull out, Merlin reached back and held Arthur against him. “Not yet.”

Arthur kissed Merlin’s neck and then his cheek. He rubbed his cheek against Merlin’s. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

Merlin looked back and gave Arthur a wide and gorgeous smile. Arthur’s too tired to fight it when he finally was able to put a name to what he felt when Merlin looked at him like that. He simply smiled back at Merlin and kissed him softly.

~*~

Merlin had never slept so peacefully. His body ached, but he couldn’t feel any pain. The only thing he felt was joy. The realization that two arms were wrapped around him and a warm body pressed against his back hit him and he opened his eyes. When he looked back, he saw two gorgeous blue eyes looking at him with such warmth and tenderness he almost didn’t recognize the person looking down on him as Arthur.

“Good morning.”

“Arthur?” Merlin blinked at Arthur.

Arthur’s smile widened. “I thought you might like some breakfast.”

Merlin sat up slowly. He looked next to him and saw a tray with grapes, bread, and cheese.

“I know these are your favorite.” Arthur picked up a grape. He offered the grape to Merlin, who took it - the look on his face a mixture of surprise, wonder, and confusion.

“Are you alright?” Arthur ran a hand down Merlin’s cheek.

“I think I’m just a little…surprised that you’re still here.” Merlin swallowed.

“You thought I would leave?” Arthur slid closer to Merlin and started stroking his leg.

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t know. Last night feels like a dream. I’ve wanted this for so long Arthur, but…” Merlin shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know what this means. I wonder if this only happened because you were jealous of the attention Lord Kay was giving me.”

“I admit that I’ve been jealous of what you might feel for him." Arthur looked down.

Merlin took Arthur’s hand. “I don’t feel anything for him.”

Arthur bit his lip and his eyes brightened. “Good.”

“But, Arthur, does this really mean anything to you? Perhaps you decided to give in to whatever desire you have for me because it’s alright here. It’s fine to do this in Cambia. But we’re going home now. You’ve satisfied your curiosity and I don’t know what’s left.” Merlin’s bottom lip began to quiver and his voice cracked as he started to speak. “Arthur, for me this is more than just wanting you in my bed. I love you.”

Arthur sucked in a breath. “Merlin, I took you to bed not just out of some curiosity. I wanted you desperately.”

“But you won’t want me in Camelot. You have Gwen.” Tears filled Merlin’s eyes.

Arthur touched Merlin’s face. He wiped at his tears. “Merlin, Gwen is amazing. She’s beautiful and kind and smart. There’s only one thing that’s wrong with her.”

“What’s that?”

“She’s not the person that I love.” Arthur put his arm around Merlin and pulled him close. He kissed the top of Merlin’s head. He looked back and into Merlin’s wide eyes. “I love you, Merlin.”

“Really?” Merlin said in a small, shaky voice.

“Yes!" Arthur laughed. "I love you so much. It doesn’t matter where I am, whether it’s here in Cambia or in Camelot. That’s never going to change.”

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur in a fierce hug. “I love you.” He pulled back and rained kisses all over Arthur’s face as Arthur smiled.

~*~

Lord Kay watched as Arthur and Merlin prepared the horses for their departure. When they were done, Arthur looked back at his old friend. He had a sly smile on his face. Merlin and Arthur walked over to him.

Lord Kay shook both of their hands. He eyed Merlin with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I trust you used the gift that I gave you last night.

Merlin’s cheeks reddened and Lord Kay snorted loudly, in a way most undignified for a man of noble blood.

Goodbye, Lord Kay.” Merlin was a bit shocked when Lord Kay bowed to him.

“Goodbye, Merlin. I hope one day our paths will cross again.”

Merlin looked at Arthur briefly.

Arthur just smiled at his old friend and now his lover. He felt no jealousy whatsoever towards Lord Kay now that he knew where Merlin’s heart lay.

Merlin turned back to Lord Kay. “Perhaps they will.” He bowed his head one last time to Lord Kay and headed towards the horses.

Arthur watched Merlin walk away. He couldn’t help the besotted look on his face. He turned back to Lord Kay and saw him watching him. Lord Kay looked far too satisfied.

“I take it you finally realized what you have with Merlin."

“How would you know what I have with Merlin?” Arthur’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Because I have eyes, Arthur. You could deny it all you liked, but I could see how you felt about him. I hoped that I could thrust you in the right direction,” Lord Kay explained.

“What are you saying?" Arthur looked at the man skeptically. "That you orchestrated Merlin and my…” Arthur trailed off, getting flustered at the smug look on Lord Kay’s face. “What are you saying?”

“You haven’t changed since you were a boy, Arthur. You’re the most competitive person I have ever met. I assumed if you thought there was competition, you might get off your royal arse and do something about it.”

Arthur looked back at Merlin, who was waiting astride his horse. “So it’s your claim that everything you did this week was part of a plan. Your attraction to Merlin, kissing him…?”

“No." Lord Kay shook his head. "I told you Arthur I have eyes. Those lips are amazing. No, the kiss was for me. Everything else, yes that was a plan.”

Arthur clenched his fists. Arthur didn’t know if Lord Kay was really telling the truth or not, but ultimately it didn’t really matter. Arthur knew if it weren’t for Lord Kay, he wouldn’t be heading to Camelot happier than he’d ever been in his life. Arthur stepped forward and threw an arm around Lord Kay in a brief hug. He stepped back. “Thank you, old friend.”

“Take care of him." Lord Kay smiled sincerely at Arthur. "You’re luckier than you know.”

Arthur nodded. He turned towards Merlin and the horses. He mounted his horse giving one brief smile at Lord Kay before directing his horse in the opposite direction.

Every so often, as they rode toward Camelot, Arthur would glance toward Merlin. Almost every single time he caught Merlin gazing at him as well. Merlin looked at him as he always did. How he hadn’t realized the love that Merlin felt, and that he felt for him in return, he would never be able to answer. But he would never get tired of seeing that look of intense love in Merlin’s eyes and never forget what it meant. 

Merlin, when we get back to Camelot there will be a lot of changes.”

Merlin nodded rapidly, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I know. I can’t wait."

Arthur wasn’t prepared to completely embrace Cambia’s ways, but there were definite advantages to how they lived. Lord Kay may be unusual, but Arthur would forever be grateful to him and for this trip. It opened his eyes to the special man that had always been there for him and he knew always would be.


End file.
